Fragments of Jenna's Story: Jenna and Abby Lose their Virginity
Crystal mentioned something to me about my writing. She noticed that I have a much easier time getting inside the head of an adult than a child. I think that she’s right. As a result, I think that I’m going to write this story from the middle. I’ll probably start with Jenna in high school and then work backward into her childhood. As a result, you’re going to be seeing more high school scenes for now.
This scene is important to me, partly because I’m still working on getting the Monster just right. I don’t want to deny human agency, but I want to make sure that the Monster is connected to all the right things. Also, it goes back to something that Lauren Winner wrote which was referenced by Peter Leithart on his blog. In her book “Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity”, she discusses the various lies that the modern Church tells about sex. Lie #1 is this: Premarital Sex Is Guaranteed to Make You Feel Lousy. Her response is simple: "Sometimes, even after sinful sex, a person will feel fantastic."
This is certainly true, and I didn’t want to lose this. At the same time, sometimes a girl surrenders her virginity because she has given up on believing that it is something worth keeping. And I wanted to capture this, too.
Finally, I keep struggling with how to tell this fairly horrible story without defiling the reader. That is especially challenging when dealing with sexual subject matter. Too much information could actually produce the wrong effect, while it seems hypocritical to “pan away to the blowing curtains”.
As always, this is very much a work in progress.
By now, the party was in full swing. The music was pounding in Jenna’s ears as she took another drink from her beer. The room was filled with people. Some were dancing, others were making out on the sofa in front of the big-screen television. Someone yelled that a game of strip-poker was starting up in the back porch. Jenna pushed her way towards the kitchen. That’s where the beer was. She moved with purpose. She had only one goal for tonight: get completely drunk. Someone else was paying for the booze, and she intended to take advantage of his generosity.
Someone bumped into her. “Sorry!” the person yelled. Then she said, “Jenna! I didn’t know that you were here!” It was Abby. She beamed at Jenna. “I’m here with Jake. Come on over and join us. It’ll be fun!”
Jenna considered it. “Okay. Let me grab a beer, and I’ll be over. You want one?”
Abby made a face. “No, I never drink beer. It’s pretty disgusting.”
Jenna rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ll be over in a few.”
Jenna finally made it into the kitchen. As she reached for another beer, the door to the back porch opened and Andi stumbled out, wearing only her underwear. “Scuse me,” she slurred. “Need another one.” She snagged a beer, expertly popped off the lid, and took a swig. She looked up at Jenna. “I’m losing the game,” she confided loudly, “but I think that Bob is finally going to get up the nerve to fuck me. ‘Bout time, too.” She steadied herself against the counter. “Wish me luck,” she said. She walked carefully back to the door. Jenna caught a glimpse of half-naked bodies in the back porch before the door was shut again.
Abby and Jake were sitting in the corner, talking to each other, when Jenna came back with her beer. “Great party, isn’t it?” said Abby.
Jenna thought a second. “Yes it is,” she said, as she took a pull from her beer.
The next couple of hours were a blur. Abby and Jake danced to the music while Jenna sat in her corner, quietly getting drunk. Finally, Jenna stood up. “I have to take a piss,” she announced. Slowly, she worked her way through the crowd towards the bathroom. But the door was closed. She pounded on it. “I have to piss!” she yelled. No one answered. She tried the door handle, but it was locked. Jenna cursed. She couldn’t wait for the dumbass to get out. She would have to go outside. She stepped over someone passed out on the floor and went to the door to the back porch. When she opened it, she saw Bob and Andi fucking on one of the recliners. “Get a fucking room,” she muttered, but they were too busy to notice her. She went out the back door.
*
“I wonder what’s taking Jenna so long,” Abby said.
“Maybe there’s a line at the bathroom,” Jake said. He seemed nervous for some reason.
“I suppose,” Abby said. “Hey, what do you want to do now?”
Jake took a deep breath. “I was wondering if you wanted to go upstairs.”
Abby froze. Go upstairs? That meant Jake wants to sleep with me! Thoughts raced through her head. Good Christian girls didn’t do that sort of thing. But Jake is so sweet. Besides, all the other girls at school sleep with their boyfriends. Jenna’s probably done it a thousand times. It sounds so wonderful. No one cares anymore, anyways. And she didn’t want to lose Jake by telling him No…
Abby looked into Jake’s eyes. “I’d love to.” He smiled and led her towards the stairs.
*
By the time that Jenna made it back to the corner where she had been sitting, Jake and Abby were gone. She looked up in time to see them going up the stairs. Abby and Jake were going upstairs? That’s where the make-out rooms were. Of course, Jenna knew that they weren’t for making out. They were for sex.
Abby was going to fuck Jake.
Suddenly, she felt so very alone. No one wanted her. Everyone else was pairing up. Even that bitch Andi had someone right now. But not her. She was alone. Like always. The longing was so sharp that it hurt.
“Hey!” someone said. “Hey!” Jenna turned around. Jesse Roberts stood there. “Hey, Jenna. Want to go upstairs?” Jenna looked over his shoulder. Sure enough, there were his friends, snorting and laughing while they watched. It was so clear to her. They had dared him to do this. They didn’t really think that she would say yes. Not to Jesse Roberts. But the longing and fear rose up in her and overcame all her objections.
“Yes,” she said. “Let’s go.” She grabbed him and pulled him towards the stairs. She ignored the derisive cheers that erupted behind her. At least for one night, she wasn’t going to be alone.
*
Jake closed the door. Abby giggled nervously. “Now what do we do?” she said.
“Well, first, let’s try this.” Jake moved to her and kissed her deeply. Then his hand came slowly up to her breast. It felt wonderful to be touched.
Then Jake pulled away from her. He reached down and pulled out the cross that Abby wore around her neck. “I think that I’d feel better if I took this off.”
Abby felt a swift stab of guilt which she quickly repressed. “Sure,” she said.
Jake undid the clasp and placed the necklace into the Monster’s waiting claw. Then he took her hand and led her to the bed.
*
Jenna closed the door. Jesse started fumbling at the buttons on her shirt. She slapped his hands away. “Not like that! Treat me like a woman.”
He stared at her in confusion. “What do you mean? I thought that you just wanted a quick fuck.”
“Just kiss me a little first, okay? It’ll make me feel better.” Already Jenna was starting to wonder if this was such a good idea.
“Whatever.” Jesse started kissing her neck. His hands came up and began roaming across her body. It felt good to be wanted, to have someone desire her, even if it was for only a little while.
Then Jenna screamed. Across the room from her was a full-length mirror. In it she saw herself being caressed by the Monster.
“What?” yelled Jesse, startled by her scream. “What’s the matter?”
“Yes, Jenna. What’s the matter?” hissed the Monster.
“I…I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to do this.”
“It’s too late for that,” said the Monster.
“What do you mean, you changed your mind?” said Jesse.
“I don’t want to do this. Let me go.” Jenna tried to open the door. Jesse held it shut.
“Fuck that. I came up here for some pussy, and I’m going to get it.”
“Let me go!” Jenna tried to hit Jesse, but he was faster. He backhanded her across the face, knocking her to the floor. Then he was on top of her and in her, and his body muffled her screams.
The Monster smiled.
*
Abby lay in bed. Beside her, Jake snored quietly. Sex hadn’t been quite the ecstatic experience that everyone claimed that it was. Jake had been awfully excited, and it had been over far too quickly. Still… Abby’s eyes traced over Jake. She could get used to it. Jake seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. Abby smiled. She liked making Jake happy. She sighed and lay back in the bed. It would be so easy to fall asleep here, next to her boyfriend.
Her watch beeped. Was it really midnight already? Mom would be worried sick. Abby started getting dressed. She would have to come up with some kind of story, of course. She and her friend were so busy talking that they lost track of time. Something like that. It would be okay. She knew that she could handle her mother.
She was in such a rush that she was halfway out the door before she remembered her necklace. Turning around, she scooped it off the table and put it on. Like always, she tucked the cross into her shirt. She blew a kiss to Jake, who was still sleeping, and slipped out the door.
*
Slowly Jenna regained consciousness. She was still in the bedroom. Jesse was gone. She hurt all over. When she wiped her mouth, her hand came away, covered in blood. She hurt between her legs. She hugged herself and started crying.
The door burst open. “What happened to you?” asked Andi. Jenna just cried harder.
“Oh God,” Andi said as realization dawned. “Someone raped you, didn’t he?” Jenna could only nod.
“Who was it? When I find him, I’ll make him wish that he were dead. I’ll cut off his balls and stuff them down his throat.”
Jenna shook her head. “Just take me home. I’ll be okay. Take me home.”
Andi said, “We have to call the police. You can’t just leave like this.”
Jenna slammed her hand down on the floor. “I said I’m fine! If you call the police, I’ll tell your boyfriend that you were fucking Bob last night.”
Andi’s eyes widened in fear. “You wouldn’t….”
Jenna pulled herself to her feet. “Just take me home. I’ll be fine.”
“Let me go change my clothes,” Andi said, hurrying off.
Jenna faced the empty room. “You win. I give up. You’ve taken everything from me. You win.” She turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.
A voice drifted from the shadows of the bedroom closet. “Not everything, Jenna. Not everything.”
This scene is important to me, partly because I’m still working on getting the Monster just right. I don’t want to deny human agency, but I want to make sure that the Monster is connected to all the right things. Also, it goes back to something that Lauren Winner wrote which was referenced by Peter Leithart on his blog. In her book “Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity”, she discusses the various lies that the modern Church tells about sex. Lie #1 is this: Premarital Sex Is Guaranteed to Make You Feel Lousy. Her response is simple: "Sometimes, even after sinful sex, a person will feel fantastic."
This is certainly true, and I didn’t want to lose this. At the same time, sometimes a girl surrenders her virginity because she has given up on believing that it is something worth keeping. And I wanted to capture this, too.
Finally, I keep struggling with how to tell this fairly horrible story without defiling the reader. That is especially challenging when dealing with sexual subject matter. Too much information could actually produce the wrong effect, while it seems hypocritical to “pan away to the blowing curtains”.
As always, this is very much a work in progress.
By now, the party was in full swing. The music was pounding in Jenna’s ears as she took another drink from her beer. The room was filled with people. Some were dancing, others were making out on the sofa in front of the big-screen television. Someone yelled that a game of strip-poker was starting up in the back porch. Jenna pushed her way towards the kitchen. That’s where the beer was. She moved with purpose. She had only one goal for tonight: get completely drunk. Someone else was paying for the booze, and she intended to take advantage of his generosity.
Someone bumped into her. “Sorry!” the person yelled. Then she said, “Jenna! I didn’t know that you were here!” It was Abby. She beamed at Jenna. “I’m here with Jake. Come on over and join us. It’ll be fun!”
Jenna considered it. “Okay. Let me grab a beer, and I’ll be over. You want one?”
Abby made a face. “No, I never drink beer. It’s pretty disgusting.”
Jenna rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ll be over in a few.”
Jenna finally made it into the kitchen. As she reached for another beer, the door to the back porch opened and Andi stumbled out, wearing only her underwear. “Scuse me,” she slurred. “Need another one.” She snagged a beer, expertly popped off the lid, and took a swig. She looked up at Jenna. “I’m losing the game,” she confided loudly, “but I think that Bob is finally going to get up the nerve to fuck me. ‘Bout time, too.” She steadied herself against the counter. “Wish me luck,” she said. She walked carefully back to the door. Jenna caught a glimpse of half-naked bodies in the back porch before the door was shut again.
Abby and Jake were sitting in the corner, talking to each other, when Jenna came back with her beer. “Great party, isn’t it?” said Abby.
Jenna thought a second. “Yes it is,” she said, as she took a pull from her beer.
The next couple of hours were a blur. Abby and Jake danced to the music while Jenna sat in her corner, quietly getting drunk. Finally, Jenna stood up. “I have to take a piss,” she announced. Slowly, she worked her way through the crowd towards the bathroom. But the door was closed. She pounded on it. “I have to piss!” she yelled. No one answered. She tried the door handle, but it was locked. Jenna cursed. She couldn’t wait for the dumbass to get out. She would have to go outside. She stepped over someone passed out on the floor and went to the door to the back porch. When she opened it, she saw Bob and Andi fucking on one of the recliners. “Get a fucking room,” she muttered, but they were too busy to notice her. She went out the back door.
*
“I wonder what’s taking Jenna so long,” Abby said.
“Maybe there’s a line at the bathroom,” Jake said. He seemed nervous for some reason.
“I suppose,” Abby said. “Hey, what do you want to do now?”
Jake took a deep breath. “I was wondering if you wanted to go upstairs.”
Abby froze. Go upstairs? That meant Jake wants to sleep with me! Thoughts raced through her head. Good Christian girls didn’t do that sort of thing. But Jake is so sweet. Besides, all the other girls at school sleep with their boyfriends. Jenna’s probably done it a thousand times. It sounds so wonderful. No one cares anymore, anyways. And she didn’t want to lose Jake by telling him No…
Abby looked into Jake’s eyes. “I’d love to.” He smiled and led her towards the stairs.
*
By the time that Jenna made it back to the corner where she had been sitting, Jake and Abby were gone. She looked up in time to see them going up the stairs. Abby and Jake were going upstairs? That’s where the make-out rooms were. Of course, Jenna knew that they weren’t for making out. They were for sex.
Abby was going to fuck Jake.
Suddenly, she felt so very alone. No one wanted her. Everyone else was pairing up. Even that bitch Andi had someone right now. But not her. She was alone. Like always. The longing was so sharp that it hurt.
“Hey!” someone said. “Hey!” Jenna turned around. Jesse Roberts stood there. “Hey, Jenna. Want to go upstairs?” Jenna looked over his shoulder. Sure enough, there were his friends, snorting and laughing while they watched. It was so clear to her. They had dared him to do this. They didn’t really think that she would say yes. Not to Jesse Roberts. But the longing and fear rose up in her and overcame all her objections.
“Yes,” she said. “Let’s go.” She grabbed him and pulled him towards the stairs. She ignored the derisive cheers that erupted behind her. At least for one night, she wasn’t going to be alone.
*
Jake closed the door. Abby giggled nervously. “Now what do we do?” she said.
“Well, first, let’s try this.” Jake moved to her and kissed her deeply. Then his hand came slowly up to her breast. It felt wonderful to be touched.
Then Jake pulled away from her. He reached down and pulled out the cross that Abby wore around her neck. “I think that I’d feel better if I took this off.”
Abby felt a swift stab of guilt which she quickly repressed. “Sure,” she said.
Jake undid the clasp and placed the necklace into the Monster’s waiting claw. Then he took her hand and led her to the bed.
*
Jenna closed the door. Jesse started fumbling at the buttons on her shirt. She slapped his hands away. “Not like that! Treat me like a woman.”
He stared at her in confusion. “What do you mean? I thought that you just wanted a quick fuck.”
“Just kiss me a little first, okay? It’ll make me feel better.” Already Jenna was starting to wonder if this was such a good idea.
“Whatever.” Jesse started kissing her neck. His hands came up and began roaming across her body. It felt good to be wanted, to have someone desire her, even if it was for only a little while.
Then Jenna screamed. Across the room from her was a full-length mirror. In it she saw herself being caressed by the Monster.
“What?” yelled Jesse, startled by her scream. “What’s the matter?”
“Yes, Jenna. What’s the matter?” hissed the Monster.
“I…I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to do this.”
“It’s too late for that,” said the Monster.
“What do you mean, you changed your mind?” said Jesse.
“I don’t want to do this. Let me go.” Jenna tried to open the door. Jesse held it shut.
“Fuck that. I came up here for some pussy, and I’m going to get it.”
“Let me go!” Jenna tried to hit Jesse, but he was faster. He backhanded her across the face, knocking her to the floor. Then he was on top of her and in her, and his body muffled her screams.
The Monster smiled.
*
Abby lay in bed. Beside her, Jake snored quietly. Sex hadn’t been quite the ecstatic experience that everyone claimed that it was. Jake had been awfully excited, and it had been over far too quickly. Still… Abby’s eyes traced over Jake. She could get used to it. Jake seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. Abby smiled. She liked making Jake happy. She sighed and lay back in the bed. It would be so easy to fall asleep here, next to her boyfriend.
Her watch beeped. Was it really midnight already? Mom would be worried sick. Abby started getting dressed. She would have to come up with some kind of story, of course. She and her friend were so busy talking that they lost track of time. Something like that. It would be okay. She knew that she could handle her mother.
She was in such a rush that she was halfway out the door before she remembered her necklace. Turning around, she scooped it off the table and put it on. Like always, she tucked the cross into her shirt. She blew a kiss to Jake, who was still sleeping, and slipped out the door.
*
Slowly Jenna regained consciousness. She was still in the bedroom. Jesse was gone. She hurt all over. When she wiped her mouth, her hand came away, covered in blood. She hurt between her legs. She hugged herself and started crying.
The door burst open. “What happened to you?” asked Andi. Jenna just cried harder.
“Oh God,” Andi said as realization dawned. “Someone raped you, didn’t he?” Jenna could only nod.
“Who was it? When I find him, I’ll make him wish that he were dead. I’ll cut off his balls and stuff them down his throat.”
Jenna shook her head. “Just take me home. I’ll be okay. Take me home.”
Andi said, “We have to call the police. You can’t just leave like this.”
Jenna slammed her hand down on the floor. “I said I’m fine! If you call the police, I’ll tell your boyfriend that you were fucking Bob last night.”
Andi’s eyes widened in fear. “You wouldn’t….”
Jenna pulled herself to her feet. “Just take me home. I’ll be fine.”
“Let me go change my clothes,” Andi said, hurrying off.
Jenna faced the empty room. “You win. I give up. You’ve taken everything from me. You win.” She turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.
A voice drifted from the shadows of the bedroom closet. “Not everything, Jenna. Not everything.”
posted by Seth Ben-Ezra at 9:08 PM
11 Comments:
(sigh) Seth, I would so much like to imagine that what you are writing about doesn't really take place. Or that if it does it happens in select places and not very often. But I know it doesn't. Keep writing, Seth. I have to think that if it hurts this much to read you must be doing something right.
we are living in a dream world if we think things like this don't happen, we are fooling ourselves if we think that pre-marital sex doesn't happen. sex is sex, and i have a very open opinion of it, but the only time that sex actually MEANS something (to me, anyway) is if it with someone that you love and they love you back.
so many of us out there use sex to make us feel better or to make us feel loved/wanted, if only for a little bit. so many of us give it away freely and then before, during or after live to regret it. i know this, because i am one of these people... or at least i was... my life is changing, hopefully for the better
As the son of a woman who worked for many years in a crisis pregnancy center, I am painfully aware of the amount of premarital sex that occurs every day. I am also acquainted with the pain that it causes. I know that it doesn't always seem like it will, and certainly at the time, it seems like a good idea. That's part of what I'm trying to express with Abby. But it's not.
It is not enough to love someone and have him love you back. Sex is the glue that God uses to bind together a man and woman who have been united in marriage. "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." (Hebrews 13:4) Notice that this isn't saying that God is against sex. I laugh whenever I hear Christianity accused of being against sex. After all, there's an entire book of the Bible dedicated to expressing the sexual love of a husband and wife. (Song of Solomon). However, God is quite clear that He made sex to be a part of marriage. Outside of the promises of marriage, sex will only destroy. "Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD." (Song of Solomon 8:6) This is the flame of the LORD that is described in places like Genesis 19, when God rained fire on Sodom and Gomorrah. Or how about this proverb? "Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; none who touches her will go unpunished." (Proverbs 6:27-29) Sex is a fire, and those who do not respect it by reserving it for marriage will get burned. I think that you know what I'm talking about.
Jenna was already burned. Abby will be burned; it just hasn't happened yet.
the deeper question for most of us, is WHY we use sex as a way to feel better about ourselves. It's like a person that tries to "buy" their friends... everyone knows a person like this... the one that buys all the drinks, always picks up the tab, runs and does favors for people, all the while thinking to themselves "if i do this, they will like me more."
those of us that use sex in this vein end up getting hurt, badly... sometimes physically, but most of the time emotionally... it took me 2 years to figure that out... it can do YEARS of damage.. it can cause many different problems... depression, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, sexually transmitted diseases, drug and alcohol abuse and many more... so, something that a lot of us consider "fun" turns into a chore or work or worse yet, misery... trust me, i know this first hand
i agree with what you are saying about how it binds husband and wife... sometimes it tears husband and wife apart as well... but i do agree... i'm rambling, so i will shut up now
Hi, lurker! You said, "[T]he deeper question for most of us, is WHY we use sex as a way to feel better about ourselves." I take this to mean, "What is it about sex that makes us think that it will make us feel better?" I think that I have an answer for you.
Every person has a desire to be...how shall I say it? If I say "love", I fear that it will be too nebulous. "Accepted" is too trite. I believe that I will say "known". Every person has a desire to be known by someone else. It's part of how we're wired. This includes being loved and accepted by that person, but it also assumes that the person has a deep and personal knowlege of ourselves. After all, it doesn't help if someone accepts you who doesn't really know you. We all want someone someone whose soul resonates with ours, someone who understands us as well as we understand ourselves...maybe better. We seek that connection with someone throughout all our days. Thus we hear talk about having a "bosom buddy", a "close friend", a "soul mate". We all long for that connection with someone. Just one person would be enough.
But, as it is, so many people spin through this life as lonely people. No one knows them. No one understands them. No one reaches out to them in love. They are lost and alone, wandering in the dark. But the desire to be known does not go away. Instead, desperation drives them to extreme ends.
One route that some people choose to try to find this understanding is sex. From one perspective, this makes perfect sense. Sex was created to be a complete nakedness of body and soul. By its very nature, two are joined into one. This is true physically, and it is true spiritually as well. These are not separate things; rather, our physicality and spirituality are one. Sex strips away the barriers that hide us from each other, leaving our souls naked. That is how it was supposed to be. That is why the old King James Bible talks about sex as one person "knowing" the other. The translators understood this connection.
However, sex cannot fulfill the longing to be known. It is merely one pointer to the true way that we are known. But so many people do not wish to pay the price to be truly known. So they turn to counterfeits. Things like sex. They delude themselves, telling themselves that this experience with this other person is what it feels like to be truly known. Instead, the experience fades (as all experiences do), and they are left with emptiness. So they jump to the next sexual encounter, hoping that perhaps this time they will find the true experience of being known and being loved. But they won't.
Augustine of Hippo understood this. He was an intellectual who lived in the days of the Roman Empire. During his youth, he gave himself over to the pursuit of love through sex. He writes, "To me it was sweet to love and to be loved, the more so if I could also enjoy the body of the beloved." However, looking back on this part of his life, he says that he was really seeking something else. He writes, "My hunger was internal, deprived of inward food, that is of You Yourself, my God." You see, Augustine became a Christian, and he figured out what he had really been looking for. He had thought that he wanted sex, but what he really wanted was God. Augustine writes, "You stir man to take pleasure in praising you, because You have made us for Yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in You."
Consider those words: "Our heart is restless until it rests in You." This is the true answer to your problem. This is what you really want. You want to be known, but only God can know and love and understand you in the way that you desire. This is because He made you for Himself.
And for what did He make you? To be united to Himself. To be joined to Him. To know Him. This isn't intellectual "knowing", either. Remember that we started off talking about sex. The Bible is quite clear that sex is really just a pale reflection of the ecstasy that awaits the people of God when, finally, we see Him face-to-face and are joined with Him, never to depart. The Bible talks about the return of Jesus as being the coming of a Bridegroom for His Bride. Then there will be a wedding celebration. What happens after a wedding? Sex! And this is just a poor picture of the ecstasy and fulfillment that awaits those who are part of the Church of Jesus, which is His Bride.
I could go on and talk about the different ways that the Bible discusses sex. I'm just going to mention one. The Bible says that marriage is a picture of the relationship that Jesus has to His Church. As a result, being unfaithful to Jesus is like being an adulterer. I think that I could extend this further. By his sin, our father Adam condemns us all as being adulterers. That is why God is angry with us. Consider how you would feel if you discovered that your spouse was cheating on you. Think of the hurt, the rage, the sorrow. But this is what every person has done to God. Every single one. It would be justice if He divorced us all, kicking us out of His house into the outer darkness.
But instead, He offers pardon. He stands at the front door and says, "I know what you were doing with all those other men, but if you will just come home to Me, I will take you back. I love you so much that I will not hold your sleeping around against you, and I will heal our relationship. I will do it all. Just come back to Me."
That door stands open for you now. It will not be open forever. Eventually God will shut the door, and then it will be too late. But I would want better things for you. It is not too late for you. I am showing you the way that will bring you the joy that orgasm merely reflects weakly. It is within your grasp. You need only to reach out and take it.
I know that this is what your heart truly desires. I know that you are thirsty for this, so thirsty that it tears you apart. This is what will satisfy all your deepest longings. You will never have to be alone again.
Don't turn away.
If you want to talk more, you know where to find me.
well, i guess i should have realized by all of your posts and comments that it would have been a long response! =)
thank you for the comments, i appreciate it... and yes, i know where to go to talk more...
What can I say? I'm a long-winded kind of guy. ;-)
you've got mail
i just briefly read your post on a series of unfortunate events... my 10 year old and i both really enjoyed the movie, maybe you should give it another try in a few months.
has there been anything new on jenna? I have missed reading about her...
Sadly, nothing further at this time. Every so often, though, she comes forward in my head, demanding that I write a little further. But, she's been quiet recently.
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